wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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