I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I deserve this hangover.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
