btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Houston, we have a squirter
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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