the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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