Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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