They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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