I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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