she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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