I feel great
I just peed on a car
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
