Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I want to be your penis for a week.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
They are going to name an STD after you.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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