i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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