He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if only i could text you this smell
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize