I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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