this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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