I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
