he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
my sisters under your porch take her home
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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