is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There's always time for handjobs
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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