Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I want to have your abortion
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
