Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
