Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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