i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
