i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
