I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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