been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
