The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
