I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
