you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
