Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Your dad touched me again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
