Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
