the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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