Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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