I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
sex in a hospital.. check
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
