So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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