I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
