I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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