those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
