life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize