im drinking this country out of the recession.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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