The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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