I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
