AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
