I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Life is so much better after having sex.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
