I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
