i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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