He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I am mentally ready for anal.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
