She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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