My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
