i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
