she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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