Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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