I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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