chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
