do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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