Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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