It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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