Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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