I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
