Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
