I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
