Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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