Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
