I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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