the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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