I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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