Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
