wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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