i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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