Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Randomize
