And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Pooping to opera.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
