Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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