This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
