I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
