i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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