You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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