i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
