I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
