hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
