She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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