my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
