ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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