I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
