Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
