I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
