I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
