i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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