god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
