I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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