If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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