Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
