So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
