Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
