please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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