It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
