is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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