So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize