are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
