Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
