Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize