Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
