Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Success! We fucked roommates!
True college students do jello shots in the library
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