Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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