My Higher Power is John Stamos
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
