dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
