Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
