my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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