my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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