My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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