Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
